It’s New Start Eve…

Morning all,

Well it’s new start eve and I understand the club are busy pimping out the Emirates ready for tomorrows festivities when we’ll finally get to unwrap our presents before spending the afternoon feasting upon Swan.

I know it’s a cliché but all I really want from the day is three points and a bit of harmony, everyone to just get along (I’m looking in the direction of our cousins who insist upon wearing those black scarves) – Oh and also if it could be drummed into our players that nobody needs to receive any cards tomorrow, especially those that come with vouchers for a three match spa break.

Gunnersauraus is often accompanied by a helper imp

One rumour I can dismiss right now is that Peter Hill-Wood will be dressing up as Gunnersauraus and handing out presents to Junior Gunners. There are two reasons for this – A – PHW will be asleep in his chair by the time kick off comes after helping himself to three bottles of Sherry & B – The Gunnersaurus is of course real so there is no need for anyone to dress up…

"Where's the brandy?"

I’m assuming that by now you’ve all realised that there is little Arsenal news doing the rounds today and until Arsene has completed his pre match press conference that is pretty much the way it’s going to stay. Yeah I could go in to possible permutations of time line up and the like for tomorrow but then that would really kind of defeat the object of tomorrows post.

What we do have today are some good bits of player PR and some awful club PR and as I don’t want to end today’s post on a sour note, because frankly I’m too excited about tomorrow and don’t want to dampen that, so lets start with the bad PR.

Astonishingly Arsenal have unleashed a team of lawyers and pointed them in the direction of a hat shop in the Spanish city of Seville. Alicia Simon is being forced to change the name of her business after Arsenal took objection to the name ‘Arsenale’.

Now this shop sells hats, not silly hats related to Arsenal Football Club, not cheap imitations of hats sold officially by the club with a rogue ‘e’ tacked onto the end of the word ‘Arsenal’ just to try and slip under the radar like those Ralph Lauren shirts and their three legged horses. No, It just sells regular normal hats, the types of which they all wear in Spain I imagine…

I bet Eboue has one of these

You know, great big things that resemble fruit bowls and those little black ones that matadors wear and maybe a few sombreros for the tourists,  but none of them having any connotations with Arsenal Football Club.

It is an absolute PR disaster, and the fact the club have been pursuing this for four years does little but make it all the more lamentable. The reasons for the shops name are clear & as I said there is absolutely no suggestion that Alicia has been trying to surreptitiously make a living from the clubs recent on field successes or indeed lack of them.

One word sums it all up – Pathetic

I dream of Tony

Now to a bit of PR that has us all giddy as kippers (I’ve never understood that phrase but my wife uses it a lot) – Per Mertesacker, or ‘Mertz’ as I’m going to be referring to him as, has been speaking about his admiration for an Arsenal legend… Tony Adams.

In an interview with the Arsenal Player the German Centre half speaks of the admiration he has for our former captain and how, despite a lack of television broadcasts of the Gunners in Germany, Mr Arsenal was for him “The One”.

When I watched the interview yesterday and heard Mertz utter those words of affection I think for a brief moment I understood how women must feel when they watch films about two people who meet, don’t like each other, continue to bump into each other in a series of highly unlikely situations before settling down with other people then realising that they actually love each other after all, get together but then just when you think it’s all going to be ok they fall out before being reconciled right at the end. Those kind of films go on for hours and hours, this interview goes on for under two minutes.

Another bit of great PR from Mertz is the revelation, in the same interview, that he wasn’t given an Arsenal shirt by an aunt. No it’s better than that, he choose it himself. He walked into a sports store as a gangly ginger German child with visions of Tony Adams in his eyes, saw his (clearly less intelligent) brother foolishly pick the jersey of a much lesser side and with a heart full of pride selected the red & white of Arsenal as his choice.

I think I actually might love him a little bit!

Right that is your lot for today, head back this way tomorrow morning for an actual preview of tomorrows game.

Oh, ok ok – You can have one present now, but that’s your lot! Theo & Gibbs should be fit for tomorrows game & Frimpong is back from suspension… well that’s what it says here

Yes I know it’s only a little thing, I’m saving your big present until the morning. Now go on, the sooner you go to sleep the sooner it’ll be time to have it. You little scamps…

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Friday round-up

Well today is a day of pure speculation really and in all honesty none of it very interesting, exciting or groundbreaking.

Lets start with the most absurd – The continued ‘alleged’ sightings of Franck Ribery in and around the grove.

Incognito

Many of these sightings seem to have taken place in the Emirates car park which makes me wonder if Ivan Gazidas has some kind of Batcave down there, a secret sanctuary where he negotiates transfers. It also makes me wonder how many people are down in that car park at any given time & what the hell they’re doing there?

My guess is that it isn’t Franck Ribery, it’s the guy inside the Gunnersauraus suit, all hunched and scared like the Frenchman after so many years trapped inside the costume.

French International Footballer?

The shock signing of Ribery would certainly be classed as BIG, which might be enough to appease Steve Howard. What would appease me is the chance meeting of Mr Howard & the business end of a combine harvester.

There is no doubt that such a signing would certainly be welcome but to be honest I can’t see it happening.

Next up is the suggestion that we might be back in for Joel Campbell. DearArsenal broke the news last night that Mario Segura were reporting that we had offered the front man an improved deal of a higher wage & other improvements including, somewhat oddly, life insurance (Is that a standard contractual addition?)

There are no quotes as yet attributed to anyone who has anything to do with the deal so it could all be something or it could all be nothing – the player has also been heavily linked in recent days with Sevilla & Fiorentina, which makes you wonder about the supposed Man Utd interest?

The Daily Mail (Urgh) suggest that it will take a bid of £18m to prise Phil Jagielka away from Goodison – After the toffees fleeced City on the transfer of Lescott they expect to earn that from every sale of an Englishman (But hey who doesn’t these days) Everton are also in a position where they have absolutely no finances of their own so need to make as much money as possible from sales in order to be able to reinvest in their already threadbare squad.

If we’re supposedly unprepared to spend £17m on Gary Cahill I can’t see us stumping up £18 in straight cash for Jaqielka. I suggested on Twitter yesterday that we should offer them cash money, Sebastian Squillaci plus the season long loan of Nicklas Bendtner. Now I know that sounds a little bit like a Championship Manager type offer but not many would shed a tear at the departure of the French centre half & with no one seemingly 100% interested in Nick (Or it could be that he isn’t interested in those who have come in for him) it would allow him a season playing week in week out in his favoured position and would certainly put him in the shop window.

We get the player we want (or rather that Arsene wants) Everton get a ready-made replacement *he-he, cash on the hip & a seasons work out of a decent Premier League striker (Yes I think he is actually!)

The last part of our speculation special concerns Cesc *Yawn…

Unsurprisingly he is not expected to travel with the squad to Germany for tomorrows friendly against Cologne. Barcelona reps may or may not have been in Ivan’s Batcave yesterday ( I would be surprised if they were considering the Spanish club were busy wrapping up the signing of Alexis Sanchez) but have still to make a bona fide offer.

Who knows, maybe Cesc is on strike after all but coupled with the vow of silence he seems to have undertaken he is unable to tell anybody?

That is about that for today, except that Patrick Vieira has been telling the Mail (Them again ‘eh) that we’re just not tough enough these days. Cheers Paddy! I look forward to you telling us tomorrow that water is wet…

Can you tell I’m fed up today?

Thanks for reading.

Up The Arsenal!

 

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