Bolton & the mole

Today is Thursday, our last game was on Tuesday and our next game is on Saturday which means that today there is little to talk about…

Michael Bolton

Jack Wilshere announced via his Twitter account last night “Since X-Factor on Sunday I am in love with Michael Bolton’s ‘To love somebody‘. What a tune and what a voice” (Image created by KickarseHD)

Now, I don’t watch X-Factor so I’m assuming that Michael Bolton appeared on the show? If he did then that is just another reason to add to an already long list of reasons I have for not watching the X-Factor (If I want to watch people fail to win anything then I’ll stick with the Arsenal ta)

Jack Wilshere

The truth is the mere mention of Michael Bolton brings back bad memories, for you see I once inadvertently caused the death of a mole via Bolton’s music.

It was the mid 90’s and I was younger than Jack is now (depressing), I’d been helping my Uncle cultivate his garden and after a days hard graft we sat back to admire the fruits of our labour when suddenly we saw a small section of earth move. Then another, and another and you can see how this is going to go… We had a mole in our midst’s.

Our efforts to disperse the little critter were like a real life version of Jasper Carrot’s ‘I’ve got this Mole’ animation, well maybe not quite so slap-stick in comedic value. Now it came as a surprise to me that moles are quite small creatures, I had always imagined that they would be similar in size to badgers, but no, our little moley was small enough to be captured in an ice cream tub. I can’t remember how we managed to capture the blind little fella but not wanting to cause him any harm we made sure the tub had plenty of air holes and we jumped into the car to take him a mile or so up the road so he could dig his boots off in a field.

"Hullo"

At this stage my uncle was a bit of a Michael Bolton fan, which was fine because he wasn’t a young professional footballer who would be better served keeping such passions hidden, and as soon as the engine started the long haired crooners voice came blasting out of the speakers. Mr Mole in his temporary transportation tub was placed on the dashboard.

A minute later we had reached our destination and as I opened the tub I expected Mole to come bounding out singing ‘Born Free’ at the top of his voice. Sadly the mole was dead. Foolishly I had placed the ice cream tub a top a speaker failing to consider that the earth dweller with bad eyesight was of course blessed with the exceptional hearing talents of, well a mole, and Michael Bolton warbling on at 10db may as well have been a spade taken to his tiny little head. Considering moles are sensitive to sound waves (which I didn’t), then this was nothing short of the kind of torture inmates at Guantanamo Bay are used to.

Now of course, you’ll be sitting there now thinking “Why the chuff am I reading about a sodding mole?” – I’ll tell you why..

A – I want this to act as a lesson to Jack, who is already suffering injury, that no good can come from listening to Michael Bolton. If Joey Barton has seen that tweet he’ll be rubbing his thighs in delight and praying that Jack will be fit to face him on New Years Day so he can snap the youngster in half having presumed that our Jack is soft in the head.

2 – I told you there was little going on today…

Tomorrow there will be a proper football based post.

Steve had been listening to Michael Bolton in the dressing room and Big Tone didn't like that

So until the Steve (Morrow), thanks for reading.

Paul.